Dear _____,

Air France billboard proclaiming "France is in the air"…  Um…okay. <pictures the entire country of France floating in the stratosphere>

French…  Sometimes you're funny.  Like that time the lady on the floor above dropped her pillow onto the patio (at the classroom).  She came knocking at the door, so I went out back to retrieve the pillow, but the gates were closed, so I had to go around another way, then climb up over a wall, then run up a flight of stairs.  And when she thanked me, I replied you're welcome…or literally "of nothing".  Slightly ironic considering what actually happened.

Maggi cube billboards…  Each woman can be a star if she uses you, eh?  There's a lot I could say in reply to that, but I at least feel compelled to mention that my mom is a star cook without you.

Roly-poly in my apartment…  Boy, it's been a long time since I've seen one of your kind!  I didn't even realize you existed here.

Pair of runners on either side of me…  I saw your shadows coming up behind me.  If I had moved to one side, I would had bumped into one of you, and if I'd have moved to the other side, I would have bumped into the other.  So I didn't even try to get out of your way.  I just kept walking, and you blazed past me as if I wasn't even there.

Vehicle with both "Ambulance" and a water company logo on the side…  So are you an ambulance or a water truck?  I'm confused.

Older man walking down the street and waving like a celebrity…  Hate to burst your bubble, but those kids you were waving back to?  They were actually waving at me.

Car rapide that broke down right in the middle of an intersection…  Ooo, that was bad timing.  And a bad place – right next to a University and a VERY busy bus stop.

Heartbleed…  When an email from HQ showed up in my inbox with you in the subject line, I was like, "Oh, great.  It's bad enough we have to worry about Ebola.  What's this Heartbleed stuff?"  (My sisters have filled my head with more medical stuff than I care for, so my imagination has plenty to work with.)  I had neglected to see two very important letters: IT.  The email was from our IT department.  Well, now.  That's a different matter altogether.  If I have to think about bugs, I'd much rather them be within that realm (which is nebulous to me at best) than some gruesome type of malady.

Planner…  Seriously?!  You have "Earth Day" but not Palm Sunday or Easter?  Get with the program!

Kid karate chopping at me (my face, specifically!)…  Your point was what, exactly?

Supermarkets, produce stands, and boutiques…  I'll be queen of subs if I live here much longer.  (And by "queen of subs", I mean "A queen of substitutions", not THE queen.  There are others who are years ahead of me.)  You're out of x, but I can use y instead.  Oh, you're out of y?  Then I guess I'll take z.

Pair of flirty guys…  You said, "Bon jour, madame."  I kept walking without any acknowledgement.  When I got past, you said, "A demain [until tomorrow]."  Ha.  Not if I'm lucky.  (And I was.)

Twelve drummers drumming…  Okay, so maybe there weren't twelve of you, but it was 12:12am on the 12^th, and I must say, I wasn't really crazy about hearing you then.  It isn't anywhere near Christmas, for one.  And drummers after midnight?  No thanks.

Right arm…  You are going to be my showcase of interesting scars.  A couple years ago, a screen door hit you as a friend and I were carrying boxes into my apartment.  The incident left you with two parallel scars just below the short-sleeve line.  I don't know exactly what I did, but a few days ago I ended up with another nice scar that I'm going to pretend looks like a shooting star.  (It does…a little.  If you have an imagination.  Which I obviously do.)

Friend who asked if there was anyone I needed beat up…  That was a very comical way of expressing concern for my wellbeing.  (And no, y'all, I don’t have anyone I need – or want – beat up.)

Uncle Dan and Auntie Tina…  Congratulations on earning first place!  Or rather, earning the title of "my first visitors from home".  I hope the trip was a blessing to you guys!

Blisters across my nose...  Aren't you a charming souvenir of a day spent playing tourist?

Crêpes with strawberry confiture...  It's been ages since I've had a crêpe of any kind, and you definitely hit the spot.  I'm inspired to make you at home now.

Trio of drinks we tried...  Baobab juice, you weren't bad.  Not a ton of flavor (the homemade version I've had was much better), but not bad.  Madd juice, you were tangy and sweet and you've got a cool name.  (Don't ask me what the name of the fruit would be in English – I don't know.  The bottle just said "Madd" with a picture of some fruit I didn't recognize.)  Tamarind juice, you were just plain odd.  Not disgusting.  Just odd.

Sunday School kids...  That box of cards you sent?  It made me cry.  So sweet.

Folks back home who sent goodies over...  My goodness, you spoiled me.  Notes and other treats...like I said, spoiled.

Friend who started a letter with "Querida Raquel, Comment ca va?"...  Best way to start ever!  Past and present at once.  (Remember how we used to write each other letters in Spanish?  Fun memories!)