Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Grace, Personality, and Daily Trust

Hi, I'm Rachel.

Among other things I have been a hopeless perfectionist and a dreadful over-analyzer.  I say have been because as I've learned about grace, God has brought about a lot of changes in my life.

Grace has toned down that perfectionism in many ways, though I'll admit it still crops up more than I'd like it to.

Over-analyzing, on the other hand?  Well...let's just say that if it were a spiritual gift, it'd be mine.  I mean, thinking is good.  Analyzing situations before making decisions is good.  To a point.  I'm afraid I very easily cross over the line to ridiculous (e.g. spending hours trying to figure out the right kitchen towels to get) or even sinful (e.g. lack of trust, anxiety, or fear).

So here's the thing.  I'm seeing God work in my life in two ways, and I'm thankful for both.  He can change aspects of our personalities, removing certain tendencies as we grow closer to Christ.  I'm seeing that slowly (emphasis on slowly) happen with my perfectionism.  Sometimes, however, the work He does is in not removing those tendencies.  I still over-analyze nearly everything, and probably always will.  The other day He showed me that I can see it as a chance to grow.  For example, when a decision comes up at work, I can sit there and spin my mental wheels for half an hour, or I have the opportunity to take my mountain of questions and dump them on His lap, trusting Him to help me sort through what I need to.  And when the next decision comes up an hour later, I can do it again.  And again the next time.

I would love for Him to take away my constant need to analyze everything, like He's doing with my perfectionism.  But He hasn't, and instead - through it - gives me a reminder of my constant need to rely on Him.  Which is pretty cool.

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