When You Become Them

It used to provoke me to no end to hear some people talk about ministry in the States as if it was a second-class option to ministry overseas.  Good grief, some of my best, mostly Godly friends were serving God in the States, and then there were all the wonderful staff at MTC that invested so much in my spiritual growth (what would my experience have been like if they hadn't been serving in the US?).  I mean, how could people dare to say that Stateside missionaries were less-than?  Less deserving of support, less important, less spiritual?  Unthinkable!  There was no difference; we were ALL on the same team!  (Forgive my soap box.)

Then I moved to West Africa.

In spite of myself, I noticed a shift in my thinking.  Us vs. Them.  I didn't think "they" were less spiritual than "us", but there was so much about our respective experiences that differed.  They sat in climate-controlled offices drinking pumpkin spice lattes while we spent mind-numbing hours in language study, sweat literally dripping off us.  They got to live and work and fellowship with people of the same language and culture.  We were surrounded by people whom we did not understand and who did not understand us.  It was difficult not to imagine that our lives were just, well, so much harder.  Ugly as it is to admit this, I suppose in my earth-bound mind, the differences were enough to categorize - no, divide - us into two camps.

Sure, we were all serving God, but...

And then I bought a one-way ticket to the States, packed up everything, and flew "back home" with the idea that I'd likely be living there for a while.  Maybe forever.

Now I am "them".

It's a weird feeling.  I never planned that my life would turn out this way.  I mean, I'd wanted to serve God overseas since I was a pony-tailed little girl.  But that's not what He has for me, at least not at this point.  It's like I built a fence and suddenly find myself sitting on the wrong side of it.

I'll be honest, when I hear from people I knew in training or people I was on the field with talking about how they've finished language study and are moving into a village or such-and-such a ministry, I struggle.  I do not question that God has brought me here; I'm confident of that and I am truly grateful to be here.  But there is a sense of loss.  I'm no longer a part of all that, not in the way I had expected to be, at any rate.  My world doesn't look the same anymore and I'm not always sure how to relate to the different people in it.

So I'm praying for perspective.  To see us all as the team God intended.  To see Him as the center, the motivation, the common ground we have.  To see all believers as us.