Auntie Corner

Starring Baby Ava and Kai -

When your onesie matches your mood...

I adore everything about this picture - his cheesy grin, his messy mohawk, his dino outfit and clashing socks, the way he's fidgeting with his hands (like his mommy did in pictures when she was little)...

Sarah sent this picture the other week on our sisters group chat, and when I saw it I let myself indulge in an ugly moment of self-pity.

I'm missing out...I don't get to be there for those cute little moments...I don't get to be around as they're growing up.  And I chose this life.  I'll probably never get to be close by while they're growing up.

But the Lord pulled me out of my self-pity with this thought -

If I hadn't chosen to follow the path He used to bring me here, I would have never gotten to be a part of these little ones' lives...

They fill me with more joy than I can tell you.  My life is richer for what each one of them bring into it.

No one could ever replace Kai and Ava; they're one of a kind.  No one could replace Germain, Theo, or Pierre, either.

Following where the Lord led me means I don't get to have these five close by, and I miss them.  Sometimes terribly.

But just like there's only one little Kai - there's only one little Ezra.  While the thing I would have asked God for was to be close to my sister's kids, He didn't give me that.  He gave me something else instead; something I didn't ask for, something I don't deserve.

It feels like a loss sometimes, but in a strange sort of way, it's actually a gain.  Love always stretches our hearts wider, even if it hurts.

Grace.

I see it, how good He's been to me...