Saturday, December 28, 2019

Hello again!


Hello there.

It's me.

Contrary to what the silence of the blog might suggest, I do, in fact, still live.

It's actually been the living that has gotten in the way of blogging lately.  Oh, no, it's not that I'm drowning in busyness or that I've suddenly become occupied with such noble things and have no time for blogging.  But the days and weeks came one after the other and there was life to be lived, and before I knew it, 2019 was almost over.

It seemed like a good time to sit down and blog again.

But what to write about after so many months of nothing?

Well, life, I suppose.  Life, which has been both grief and joy, changes and routine, questions and answers.
An endless string of family birthdays (close to twenty since the last post I wrote).
Another semester and (nearly) year finished.
The ticking clock of the Bible school consolidation.
Ninety-plus loads of guest house laundry since May, and counting.


- - -

If you get my email updates, you'll recognize most of the pictures below.  (I borrowed some of them...thanks to those friends who have better cameras and picture-taking skills than I do.)

Teammates -


I'm thankful for my teammates.  Not just getting to work with them, but for the times we do stuff together outside of the school, like excursions to the farmers market.

Apparently we just seemed like such a fun bunch that even random strangers like the red-haired lady in the back wanted to join the picture. :)



Brunch with a few teammates (+ Abigail, visiting all the way from California)

They make me happy, and not just because they give me an excuse to make bacon and scones.


Isabelle, Abby, and I made Senegalese food one night: marinated chicken, onion sauce, french fries, crudités with vinaigrette, and baguette.  I think Angèle would have been proud of me.  She's my gold standard of Senegalese cooking, and if she would approve of how a dish turns out, then I feel I've succeeded.

- - -

Abigail's visit -


Abigail, a long-time friend, came out to visit in November, and so we had a little mini-reunion here. All of us except Abby (in the blue) are from the same church in California.  It was fun to hang out and Abigail got to tour the school, see some of what I do and some of what her brother (who is interning at the school) does.  We also played tourist a bit, which was really quite fun.  Do you ever do that, play tourist in your own town?  You should try it sometime. :)


"Goofy picture!" I said, and then they betrayed me by smiling normally while I look like...well, I'm not entirely sure.  The faces, they always seem like a good idea until I actually see the pictures.


Christmas memories -


The Christmas ornament exchange - a tradition the ladies of my church have been doing for years.  I've been going since I moved there, and I think this one might have been my favorite yet.  The food is always good and the banter during the ornament exchange itself is great.  But this time was just extra special.


Grandma -


I still miss her.  I know I always will.

Grieving is such a strange process sometimes, full of unexpected twists and turns.  Some days life seems almost normal, other days the smallest and most random thing can bring sudden tears to my eyes.  Some days grief feels like a heavy blanket; other days it has a touch of fierceness, the kind that makes me want to go create something in my kitchen, feed people I love, look out for them, and somehow make the world a better place. 


Snow -


We haven't had too much of it since this storm, but I'm hoping for more once I get back.  A mid-west winter without snow just doesn't feel right.


Monday chapel -


This has been an enjoyable addition to my weekly routine.  During the chapel hour on Mondays, students meet as small groups in staff homes instead of a general assembly.  I'm co-hosting a group along with two teammates (Jared and Heather), and this has been great for a number of reasons: getting to know some students better, getting to know Jared and Heather better, hearing what students are learning and processing, being involved in ministry outside my office (office work is important, but it isn't the only part of ministry), having an excuse a reason to bake goodies, holding Jared and Heather's new baby...


Tuesday small group -


Time with these ladies remains one of the biggest highlights of my week.  Discussions, laughter, prayer requests, and tea.  Always tea.  So much tea, in fact, that I'm surprised we haven't all floated away by now.


Sometimes it's crafts and cookie baking, most times discussions on our book Adorned, but every time is special and encouraging. 



The California cuties - 


They deserve their own post, but I just love this picture Sarah sent me.

Their faces make me all sappy and sentimental.  They are the cutest, aren't they?

 - - -




Here's to giggling with nieces and nephews, to Cottage Inn pizza, to bacon and scones, to flickering Christmasy candles, to friends around the worn dining room table.  Here's to doing a little less, trusting a little more, and slowly learning to let go of perfectionism.  Here's to questions - the ones that seem scary to ask, the ones that have answers I might not like, the ones God meets with silence, the ones that bring clarity I don't even realize I need.  Here's to answers - the big ones, the little ones, the ones that take a long time coming.

Here's to home and loved ones, to traditions and Tahoe brunch casserole and socks for Christmas.  Here's to movies on the couch and popcorn stuck in the cushions.  Here's to puzzles and tea and enough rounds of Clue that we each won a game.  Here's to tulips in spring, to fireflies and thunderstorms, to fall colors, to magical snow globe days and coffee with eggnog.

Here's to 2019, to the growth that it brought and the memories it holds.

Here's to 2020, to hope and confidence and choosing to smile at the future.

Here's to grace, and most of all to Jesus.

Thursday, August 22, 2019

Second Days


Yesterday was the first day of classes here at the Bible school.  It was my grandma's birthday; she would have been 79.  It was also the six-year anniversary of when I first arrived in Senegal.

All of those things were worth celebrating, so I did.  I pulled out the cookbook and baked Grandma's raspberry cardamom cake (because of all the wonderful cakes she made, this one is my favorite).  We grilled brats and ate together around the table.  I'm glad we took time to remember, to mark the occasions.  It was lovely and fitting.

Today is the second day of classes, the day after Grandma's birthday, the six-year anniversary of...my second day in Senegal.

Second days are, frankly, a lot like first days, only without the fanfare.  Without the excitement or the dressing up or the Facebook memories.  On the second day, the very edge of the newness might have worn off, but things aren't completely familiar yet.  The roses are open a little more, but the cake is gone.  The Senegalese dress is tucked away in favor of more practical office attire.  The cookbook is back on the shelf, the extra cake pan returned, and the lone leftover brat was my dinner.

I think it's important to celebrate the milestones and birthdays and anniversaries, I really do.  But most of life isn't a first or a last.  Most of life is the in-between.  The second, the third, the seven-hundred-and-fifty-seventh.

It's okay.  I might miss the anticipation that goes with a first day or the sense of accomplishment on a last day, but second days give me a choice.  I can be grumpy and unsatisfied, or I can choose to be faithful in what God has given me to do today.  And then tomorrow, I can choose again.  The in-between has its own unassuming gifts - reminders of God's love and presence.

So here's to second days, to quiet grace, and to walking with God in the ordinary moments.

Sunday, July 21, 2019

The Summer After


Summer 2018.

It was the best summer of my life.

I felt at ease, content with the rhythm life and work had settled into.  Summer was slow, restful, happy.  It was filled with simple pleasures and sweet memories made.  It was everything a summer should be.

I soaked in every moment and it was glorious.

In naive optimism (which at times still persists, even as I near thirty) I assumed that each year it would just get better.

...Because, you know, now I'd figured it out.  Now I'd learned how to plan and balance my year, I knew all the wonderful things to take advantage of during the season, and Summer was an old friend with no surprises.

Since - as a general rule - I hate surprises, it was perfect.


Summer 2019 -

The summer after The Best Summer of My Life.

It hasn't been bad exactly, no, but it comes up quite short when compared to last summer.

There have been a dozen little disappointments, silly things like no cut flowers and much less produce at the farmers market, or no Civil War muster to look forward to.

And beneath the surface, there's a undercurrent of unsettled-ness to life this time around.

If I could have looked into future and seen that this place would be home till the end of my days, I would have been perfectly happy.

But Surprise!  This campus is closing.

You already know how I feel about surprises.


The slow trickle has begun: good-byes to coworker-friends who are leaving, some retiring, some moving into other ministries.

It's a taste of what next summer's mass exodus will probably feel like, and I don't like it - not one bit.

Disappointment.
Unsettled-ness.
Fear.

There it is, swirling around inside...and it's patently obvious that this is not where God wants me to stay.

So He teaches me, points me back to His Word, reminds of what I already know to be true about Him.


To delight in God's gifts is good.

But these good gifts around us were never meant to be the anchor for our souls.

Joy and peace and hope and confidence have to be rooted in something deeper, something unshakable -

The character of God Himself.


Was there ever anything that caught Him off guard?  No.
Has there ever been a big, scary new thing that He couldn't handle?  No.
Hasn't He always been completely faithful and completely good to me?  Yes.
Does He change?  No!

Then He can be trusted with this, too - all the big and little things that make up life right now.

Part of me would so love if there was a way to hit pause when life was just the way I wanted it to be.  But the truth is, I want to grow.  I want to know the Lord better.  If I could keep life from ever changing again, I would stop growing.

He knows what I need - what each of us needs - and sometimes it's The Summer After.

Friday, June 28, 2019

California: There and Back Again

The California trip gets its own post, mainly because I took so many pictures of the kids...

I can't help it.

They're too cute.

- - -

I call this "The Many Faces of Gracie-Poo" -



Such big blue eyes for such a tiny thing.


She's a pretty happy baby most of the time.






 


She's scooting very efficiently now, and so close to crawling!

 

All those rolls on her arms!  So wonderfully squishy.

- - - 

Fun together -


The white floppy hat becomes a helmet when Kai takes his little motorcycle for a spin around the house.

I'm not sure how much good a floppy helmet does...especially when one deliberately falls off one's motorcycle.  (There were lots of ambulances involved in said game.)

 

Ava (who has also been known as Avers, Aver-roo, and Aver-wavers...until she declared, "I'm not Aver-wavers, I'm Ava-Poo!") looks so much like Sarah did when she was little.  All except for the deep brown eyes (which she gets from her daddy) and the curly reddish hair (in which she would take after me).


We went to the farm one day ("the farm", not just "a farm" - we've been going there as a family since I was a kid, and Kai and Ava have been there before too).  The cows, the prairie dogs, and the peacocks were all huge hits with the kids.

My personal favorites have always been the cows and goats.  If I could, I would happily get one of each, but my current living situation doesn't exactly lend itself to such an idea...


Striking his "model" pose


This little girl is a stick of dynamite: full of emotion and enthusiasm and hilarity.



She loves puzzles and we had fun talking about different states.


Sunshine and chalk in the back yard



They spent a night while I was there.  We watched a movie and Mom made her deliciously buttery popcorn. 

And now, thanks to that evening, I have a bunch of songs from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang stuck in my head.


Cheese!


And while we're on the subject of cheese, they helped me make pizza one Saturday night.  I always loved helping my dad make pizza when I was a kid ("building" a pizza, he would call it), so it's been fun to show Kai and Ava the ropes!



We sprinkled and sampled and giggled.


That belly.  Those eyelashes.  Those cheeks.

Sigh.



Kai is a veteran pizza-making assistant.  He's been helping for a couple years now. :)



The hall closet, a favorite hiding spot from my hide-and-seek days...




Helping/inspecting Auntie's laundry

 


Afternoon naps

Naptime was usually preceded by listening to a few Piano Guys songs.  Kai and Ava had their own names for the songs they've watched the most -

The one where the guy fell down ("Silly him," Ava was sure to say every time we watched that part.)

- - -

Sisters -


Ava is pretty happy with her baby sister.

Sometimes she'll say in-a-not-exactly-inside-voice, "I love you, Gracie-Poo!"

Gracie-Poo, of course, doesn't say anything in response, so Ava repeats even more forcefully (read: practically shouting), "GRACIE-POO! I LOVE YOU!!!"




- - -

The original sisters -


This was the only night all three of us were at the house together, and we had to make sure we got our traditional sisters-on-the-counter pictures.

Different counter this time, but close enough.




- - -





Happy Auntie heart.

...until it was time for good-byes.

Sniffle, sniffle.

- - -

While most of my visit this time seemed to center around the kids (no complaints though!), there were a few other things I got to do -

hang out at Beck's new apartment (she just moved back from SoCal in the spring)
visit with my friend Kendra and her four kids (it had been a year-and-a-half since the last time I saw them!)
see people at my sending church and give a brief update on the school consolidation
watch Barnaby Jones with Mom and Dad
go out for curry with Uncle Paul and Auntie Glory
build four (or was it five?) puzzles with Mom


And at the end of it all, I was so very happy to be back safe and sound in my own little home...with the fireflies, the thunderstorms, and the summer insect hum.