It was during my final semester at the Missionary Training Center. I was studying linguistics - the fulfillment of a long-cherished dream.
Except it was no longer a dream. It felt more like a nightmare.
I never imagined it would be such a struggle. That I'd be so positively clueless, so often. That I'd dread it so much.
In sheer desperation, I'd come to the Lord with things like this - "The test, Lord, remember the test they gave us? I only made one silly little mistake. One. You know linguistics and Bible translation have been my passion for years. But more than that, it was a gift, a skill You gave me, wasn't it? Remember x, y, and z? I could have done this stuff before. What's happening to me? Why is it all gone now?"
I was holding up my hands, trying to remind Him that I'd once had something in them - something real, not imagined - and now, those hands were completely empty. It's a bewildering feeling. Perhaps you've experienced it. I didn't know what to think, but I knew one thing: I was empty.
The gift I'd thought I had wasn't there. The dream was shattered and no longer held the slightest appeal. My identity as future Bible translator/linguist was shaken to the core.
How do you continue to push through something when you know you just don't have what it takes?
I asked myself that question more times than I can count.
The weeks went by, often a blur of headaches, tears, and nagging questions.
In the midst of all that God, my Heavenly Father, reached for those empty hands and pulled me close. It wasn't what I could bring that He had been looking for all along. It was for me to realize my emptiness so He could wrap His grace around me.
My emptiness in exchange for His fullness?
THAT is grace, my friends. All grace.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Wise words for a new week
From a friend's note: "Get your wisdom from the Lord. Trials come and go - take every small detail to the Lord."
Take every small detail to the Lord.
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"Casting all your care upon Him, because He cares for you..."
Take every small detail to the Lord.
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"Casting all your care upon Him, because He cares for you..."
Saturday, July 21, 2012
The Master Artist
God, the Master Artist, paints life with stunning detail and splashes of vibrant color.
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May your weekend be one of pausing to look - to look and really see - the masterpiece He is creating. Stop and smell the flowers. Enjoy the warm, sunny days. Notice the details of beauty around you. Whatever gifts God is offering you right now - embrace them. Receive them with both hands.
Give thanks, because His love endures forever.
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May your weekend be one of pausing to look - to look and really see - the masterpiece He is creating. Stop and smell the flowers. Enjoy the warm, sunny days. Notice the details of beauty around you. Whatever gifts God is offering you right now - embrace them. Receive them with both hands.
Give thanks, because His love endures forever.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Hello, Friday!
...you mark the end of another week of God's grace, and the beginning of a weekend at home.
Hurray! :)
Hurray! :)
Monday, July 16, 2012
The Parable of the Potholders
Once upon a time, there was a girl who liked to sew. She had a grand idea to make a set of potholders with some scraps she wanted to use.
She cut and pieced and sewed and ironed. The potholders ended up wonky and the binding was puckered in spots. She was so disheartened and embarrassed by the way they turned out that she couldn't bring herself to give them as a gift like she'd planned. "Well," she sighed inwardly, "I'm not perfect, so I shouldn't be surprised when the things I make aren't perfect."
She remembered the "only-God-is-perfect" quilts she'd made. So it wasn't the end of the world. It was okay to make mistakes. The potholders could be a reminder of that.
She tucked them away in a drawer with a smile, thinking she'd learned the lesson the Lord wanted her to.
It wasn't until several weeks later that she realized that she'd completely missed the point. The Lord didn't tuck imperfect people away, never to be used. He used them in spite of (indeed, because of) their imperfections.
So she pulled the potholders out of the drawer. They were meant to used. No, they weren't completely straight or even or pucker-free. But they could still add a splash of color to the kitchen table and protect it from hot dishes. They didn't have to be perfect potholders. They could be the "grace potholders".
Their very imperfections made them a reminder of grace.
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Happy Monday ~ May your week be one of growing in grace!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Romans 12:1 - Living Worship
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - this is your true and proper worship.
A discussion question for my book club this week is: "Do you struggle with the concept of worship in everything? In what ways are you beginning to see your living as worship?"
I used to struggle with this concept a lot. I used to think that I needed to spend more time worshipping or serving or doing "spiritual" things (which I thought involved a lot of effort on my part). In reality as Emily P. Freeman puts it so beautifully, "When the Spirit of the living God lives inside of you, then your living is also your worship. What else would it be?"
"Worship" and "service" are not switches that I need to turn on more often; they should be happening all the time - as I go about living.
But practically, what does that look like?
I'm still learning. Learning to live in the reality that Jesus is with me every moment of the day, not just when I pray or have a Bible in my hands, or when I'm in a church building on Sunday. So that means when I'm washing that mountain of dishes, I can talk to Him about the Sunday School lesson I need to prepare or about what a friend might need...or just about the day. It means that when I tip my head up at night to look at the stars, I can thank Him for the dazzling display as if He's right there beside me. It means that when every little thing seems to be going awry, I can simply ask Him for help - not in a formal sort of way, but in a spontaneous, heart-felt cry.
And that mountain of dishes? If I'm walking in the Spirit, that is an act of service - to Him. The simple "thank You for letting me see these stars tonight" - worship. The walk through the woods where I enjoy His creation - worship. Listening to the sounds of birds outside the window? Sweeping the floors? Baking cookies? Worship. Serving. Living.
How about you? What practical ways are you learning to see living as worship? And if you're willing, would you leave a comment to share your thoughts?
A discussion question for my book club this week is: "Do you struggle with the concept of worship in everything? In what ways are you beginning to see your living as worship?"
I used to struggle with this concept a lot. I used to think that I needed to spend more time worshipping or serving or doing "spiritual" things (which I thought involved a lot of effort on my part). In reality as Emily P. Freeman puts it so beautifully, "When the Spirit of the living God lives inside of you, then your living is also your worship. What else would it be?"
"Worship" and "service" are not switches that I need to turn on more often; they should be happening all the time - as I go about living.
But practically, what does that look like?
I'm still learning. Learning to live in the reality that Jesus is with me every moment of the day, not just when I pray or have a Bible in my hands, or when I'm in a church building on Sunday. So that means when I'm washing that mountain of dishes, I can talk to Him about the Sunday School lesson I need to prepare or about what a friend might need...or just about the day. It means that when I tip my head up at night to look at the stars, I can thank Him for the dazzling display as if He's right there beside me. It means that when every little thing seems to be going awry, I can simply ask Him for help - not in a formal sort of way, but in a spontaneous, heart-felt cry.
And that mountain of dishes? If I'm walking in the Spirit, that is an act of service - to Him. The simple "thank You for letting me see these stars tonight" - worship. The walk through the woods where I enjoy His creation - worship. Listening to the sounds of birds outside the window? Sweeping the floors? Baking cookies? Worship. Serving. Living.
How about you? What practical ways are you learning to see living as worship? And if you're willing, would you leave a comment to share your thoughts?
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Being the Feet: Living Worship
[This post originally appeared on my NTM blog.]
“Free [believers] respond with worship in everything. It is a natural outpouring of thankfulness and awareness of love and grace and truth. It isn’t mustered up; it flows out.
“We breathe in air and breathe out worship. We receive love and extend worship. We embrace children, offering worship. We comfort, we laugh, we mourn, we dance, we read, we dream, we exist – all worship. We pay the bills, we run on the treadmill, we enjoy a good movie, we make dinner, we welcome friends with open arms – worship, all worship. We send money and offer prayer and sit with a lonely neighbor, in Jesus’ name. We wait for love, we long for home, we pour out our hearts and hopes and fears and longing; we create with words and photos and colors and food, all beautiful acts of worship.
“But we don’t call it that.
“We call those things living. But when the Spirit of the living God lives inside of you, then your living is also your worship. What else would it be? ‘Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.’ (Romans 12:1)
“Worship and service are the result of knowing the truth about our new identity in Christ. Contrary to what the critics might say, understanding our new identity as believers is not a passive teaching focused on self. It is the very path by which Jesus is able show up in our lives.
“But trusting Jesus in this way can’t simply be a declaration of what I believe to be true. It has to have hands and feet. Sometimes my faith has to risk getting dirty and being ordinary. That simply happens in the everyday, living-life things. The mystery of Christ in you can be so easily overlooked because at first it doesn’t look mysterious.”
(Emily P. Freeman in Grace for the Good Girl)
Today, Jesus is not asking you to be a hero.
Today, He wants you to be His hands and feet. To first reach out to those around you, and then to reach out even further – all with His love. Who knows? You might touch a life all the way across the world.
For stories from others who are being the feet, you can visit NTM’s news page.
“Free [believers] respond with worship in everything. It is a natural outpouring of thankfulness and awareness of love and grace and truth. It isn’t mustered up; it flows out.
“We breathe in air and breathe out worship. We receive love and extend worship. We embrace children, offering worship. We comfort, we laugh, we mourn, we dance, we read, we dream, we exist – all worship. We pay the bills, we run on the treadmill, we enjoy a good movie, we make dinner, we welcome friends with open arms – worship, all worship. We send money and offer prayer and sit with a lonely neighbor, in Jesus’ name. We wait for love, we long for home, we pour out our hearts and hopes and fears and longing; we create with words and photos and colors and food, all beautiful acts of worship.
“But we don’t call it that.
“We call those things living. But when the Spirit of the living God lives inside of you, then your living is also your worship. What else would it be? ‘Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.’ (Romans 12:1)
“Worship and service are the result of knowing the truth about our new identity in Christ. Contrary to what the critics might say, understanding our new identity as believers is not a passive teaching focused on self. It is the very path by which Jesus is able show up in our lives.
“But trusting Jesus in this way can’t simply be a declaration of what I believe to be true. It has to have hands and feet. Sometimes my faith has to risk getting dirty and being ordinary. That simply happens in the everyday, living-life things. The mystery of Christ in you can be so easily overlooked because at first it doesn’t look mysterious.”
(Emily P. Freeman in Grace for the Good Girl)
Today, Jesus is not asking you to be a hero.
Today, He wants you to be His hands and feet. To first reach out to those around you, and then to reach out even further – all with His love. Who knows? You might touch a life all the way across the world.
For stories from others who are being the feet, you can visit NTM’s news page.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Life: A Mosaic
Life sometimes seems like a contradiction, doesn't it? Joy and sorrow, faith and fear, carefree laughter and weary sighs. New discoveries and questions that linger, unanswered. The sovereign goodness of God and the difficulties that still happen.
A new, wee life born the day before his sweet 18-month-old sister begins chemo.
Life isn't necessarily made up of "good times" and "bad (or difficult) times". Sometimes it's the entire spectrum at once, all mingled together in a seemingly senseless jumble.
Tiny broken pieces that somehow become part of a far more glorious picture -
...a picture we see as we focus on HIM.
(And if you would be so kind, please pray for little Taylor and her family. They are dear friends.)
A new, wee life born the day before his sweet 18-month-old sister begins chemo.
Life isn't necessarily made up of "good times" and "bad (or difficult) times". Sometimes it's the entire spectrum at once, all mingled together in a seemingly senseless jumble.
Tiny broken pieces that somehow become part of a far more glorious picture -
...a picture we see as we focus on HIM.
(And if you would be so kind, please pray for little Taylor and her family. They are dear friends.)
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Dear _____,
(The inspiration for this post comes from Jenn DeAtley. She and her husband Shawn are missionaries in West Africa...so possible future coworkers of mine. I've been following her blog for a while, and it's fun to get a glimpse into life where I'll be living next year, Lord willing!)
Morning kitchen crew... I look like I just rolled out of bed?! Goodness, no, that was 10 minutes ago!
Everybody else at breakfast time (two hours later)... I look like I just rolled out of bed? Hmm. Maybe that's just the way I look ALL the time.
Friend who prayed for me to sleep reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally well last night... thank you. I did. See above.
Deer munching just outside my front door... you are so peaceful, serene, and tranquil. You make me feel, for a moment at least, that all is right in the world. Even if I'm going to be a few minutes late to work and my hair is surely a mess.
8-inch banana slug near the outdoor freezer... you are disgusting. I don't like you.
Drum set in the dining hall... you look cool, but I won't be getting one of my own. You're SO loud. Besides, I don't know a thing about drums!
Coworkers (and boss) who like to scare me... please just don't try that when I'm carrying something like eggs or anything breakable.
Spanish worship music playing while I washed dishes... you are joyful, enthusiastic, and LOUD!!!
Monster cookies (with oatmeal, coconut, walnuts, and chocolate chips)... you're amazing. I wonder if I'll still like you by the end of the week, after baking up a batch of 200 every. day.
Fresh, clean laundry... you make me so happy.
Morning kitchen crew... I look like I just rolled out of bed?! Goodness, no, that was 10 minutes ago!
Everybody else at breakfast time (two hours later)... I look like I just rolled out of bed? Hmm. Maybe that's just the way I look ALL the time.
Friend who prayed for me to sleep reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally well last night... thank you. I did. See above.
Deer munching just outside my front door... you are so peaceful, serene, and tranquil. You make me feel, for a moment at least, that all is right in the world. Even if I'm going to be a few minutes late to work and my hair is surely a mess.
8-inch banana slug near the outdoor freezer... you are disgusting. I don't like you.
Drum set in the dining hall... you look cool, but I won't be getting one of my own. You're SO loud. Besides, I don't know a thing about drums!
Coworkers (and boss) who like to scare me... please just don't try that when I'm carrying something like eggs or anything breakable.
Spanish worship music playing while I washed dishes... you are joyful, enthusiastic, and LOUD!!!
Monster cookies (with oatmeal, coconut, walnuts, and chocolate chips)... you're amazing. I wonder if I'll still like you by the end of the week, after baking up a batch of 200 every. day.
Fresh, clean laundry... you make me so happy.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Do you have a bullet-point Jesus?
Some had-to-share thoughts from Grace for the Good Girl.
On receiving and becoming: "I can't tell you how to walk with Jesus, but I can share my stories. The flat, bullet-point, how-to Jesus I feebly worshiped while hiding behind my masks is an impostor. The real, alive, redeemer Jesus longs to take His place in our lives. But first we have to receive Him. Not just for salvation, but for life."
"There is a becoming that happens as we walk with Jesus, but it isn't under a system of achieving. Rather, it is in the act of receiving. In order to receive, we have to first let go, to honestly release our right to hold on to those things we trust in for life, those counterfeit sources of truth and security, those false hiding places that seem to offer peace but leave us feeling restless."
On religion vs. reality: "Jesus does not have bullet points. I cannot check Him off. But that is what I tried to do. When I was in hiding, having a quiet time provided a false sense of security for me. To be found, we must move beyond practicing religion into the reality of truly experiencing Jesus."
On life stages: "The confident, strong, independent woman I thought I would one day become had disappeared like a vapor and in her place stood my relevant Jesus, waiting with a smile to be the strength I didn't have on my own. Being mom to those babies taught me to stop trying to be like Jesus and simply trust Jesus to be Himself in and through me. Because the truth was, I couldn't do it.
"There is a time for cozy blankets and journals. There is also a time for gut-wrenching, on-your-knees soul searching; for joy unspeakable and peace unwavering and mourning with the ugly cry. Life is fluid, it ebbs and flows in cycles of busy and rest, crisis and joy.
"We have a Creator who knows about the swing. He set it into motion. He is not afraid of our life stages. They don't hinder Him. He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love."
On remaining (or "abiding"): "To remain in Him means to refuse to get up from His lap. When it seems like the situation calls for me to stand up and take charge, Jesus gives me permission to remain still, if only on the inside, to trust deeply and fully that He will be strong on my behalf. Even when it seems impossible. Even when it's counter-intuitive. Even if it means I will look weak. To remain in Him means to let the Great I AM be."
"The job of the branch is not to make life happen, but to remain in the vine. To remain in Christ is to stay where you already are. No need to get up and try to find that which you already have. Stay. Abide. Remain. Believe.
"This is where another voice speaks, the voice of One who invites you to abide in Him and rest. He renews, restores, and redeems. In the inspired words of Sarah Young, 'He bends time in your favor.' In a day that seems impossibly packed to overflowing with the list, He can multiply time and space like loaves and fishes beside the sea. And the gentle rhythm of truth rises from within. Be. Trust. Receive. Respond."
On receiving and becoming: "I can't tell you how to walk with Jesus, but I can share my stories. The flat, bullet-point, how-to Jesus I feebly worshiped while hiding behind my masks is an impostor. The real, alive, redeemer Jesus longs to take His place in our lives. But first we have to receive Him. Not just for salvation, but for life."
"There is a becoming that happens as we walk with Jesus, but it isn't under a system of achieving. Rather, it is in the act of receiving. In order to receive, we have to first let go, to honestly release our right to hold on to those things we trust in for life, those counterfeit sources of truth and security, those false hiding places that seem to offer peace but leave us feeling restless."
On religion vs. reality: "Jesus does not have bullet points. I cannot check Him off. But that is what I tried to do. When I was in hiding, having a quiet time provided a false sense of security for me. To be found, we must move beyond practicing religion into the reality of truly experiencing Jesus."
On life stages: "The confident, strong, independent woman I thought I would one day become had disappeared like a vapor and in her place stood my relevant Jesus, waiting with a smile to be the strength I didn't have on my own. Being mom to those babies taught me to stop trying to be like Jesus and simply trust Jesus to be Himself in and through me. Because the truth was, I couldn't do it.
"There is a time for cozy blankets and journals. There is also a time for gut-wrenching, on-your-knees soul searching; for joy unspeakable and peace unwavering and mourning with the ugly cry. Life is fluid, it ebbs and flows in cycles of busy and rest, crisis and joy.
"We have a Creator who knows about the swing. He set it into motion. He is not afraid of our life stages. They don't hinder Him. He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love."
On remaining (or "abiding"): "To remain in Him means to refuse to get up from His lap. When it seems like the situation calls for me to stand up and take charge, Jesus gives me permission to remain still, if only on the inside, to trust deeply and fully that He will be strong on my behalf. Even when it seems impossible. Even when it's counter-intuitive. Even if it means I will look weak. To remain in Him means to let the Great I AM be."
"The job of the branch is not to make life happen, but to remain in the vine. To remain in Christ is to stay where you already are. No need to get up and try to find that which you already have. Stay. Abide. Remain. Believe.
"This is where another voice speaks, the voice of One who invites you to abide in Him and rest. He renews, restores, and redeems. In the inspired words of Sarah Young, 'He bends time in your favor.' In a day that seems impossibly packed to overflowing with the list, He can multiply time and space like loaves and fishes beside the sea. And the gentle rhythm of truth rises from within. Be. Trust. Receive. Respond."
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Today I'm thankful for...
~ my family
~ good friends
~ watermelon, cherries, nectarines, and other tasty summer-y fruits
~ the sunshine and gentle breezes
~ beautiful weather for barbecuing
~ homemade ice cream
~ walks around the block with our dog
~ three days off work that I get to spend at home
~ answered prayer - in my life and in the lives of some very dear friends
~ all the flowers blooming in our garden right now
~ the joy God gives
~ good friends
~ watermelon, cherries, nectarines, and other tasty summer-y fruits
~ the sunshine and gentle breezes
~ beautiful weather for barbecuing
~ homemade ice cream
~ walks around the block with our dog
~ three days off work that I get to spend at home
~ answered prayer - in my life and in the lives of some very dear friends
~ all the flowers blooming in our garden right now
~ the joy God gives
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Musings
Can you believe June is gone? Half a year is gone, in fact. For once that realization doesn't scare me. I've seen God work in incredible ways already this year, and I'm excited to see what He does in the coming months.
And today, I pause and look back over ten years, to the moment I whispered, "Yes, Lord, I will go. Here I am; send me." What a crazy, amazing ten years this has been!
I see His faithfulness, His goodness, and His grace to this girl who is so very insignificant. I see His patience with my stubbornness. His provision in my need. His comfort in my fear. His miracles in spite of my unbelief. His unconditional love. His grace, grace, grace.
Graceful. Full of grace.
Graceful. I really like that word. I pray that as the Lord conforms me to His image, it will describe me more and more.
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"Man doesn't need to plan or dream up anything when God's in control." - from the message on Sunday
I love the times when it is patently obvious that God is the One directing the events of our lives, and we're just the cheering section.
We have a God who specializes in overcoming the impossible - Who does so far beyond what we could ask or plan or dream up. (Yes, I'm cheering.)
We have a God who is love and grace and truth - Who holds our lives in His hands and doesn't let go. (Go ahead. Sing. Clap. Let the joy spill over!)
He is simply amazing, our God.
Can I get an amen?!
And today, I pause and look back over ten years, to the moment I whispered, "Yes, Lord, I will go. Here I am; send me." What a crazy, amazing ten years this has been!
I see His faithfulness, His goodness, and His grace to this girl who is so very insignificant. I see His patience with my stubbornness. His provision in my need. His comfort in my fear. His miracles in spite of my unbelief. His unconditional love. His grace, grace, grace.
Graceful. Full of grace.
Graceful. I really like that word. I pray that as the Lord conforms me to His image, it will describe me more and more.
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"Man doesn't need to plan or dream up anything when God's in control." - from the message on Sunday
I love the times when it is patently obvious that God is the One directing the events of our lives, and we're just the cheering section.
We have a God who specializes in overcoming the impossible - Who does so far beyond what we could ask or plan or dream up. (Yes, I'm cheering.)
We have a God who is love and grace and truth - Who holds our lives in His hands and doesn't let go. (Go ahead. Sing. Clap. Let the joy spill over!)
He is simply amazing, our God.
Can I get an amen?!
Sunday, July 1, 2012
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