The Day I Stopped Believing in Time-Outs

Sometimes our ugliest stories are also the most beautiful.

We sat on my couch while I told her the whole tangled mess of selfishness and stubborn pride.  I knew what God wanted me to do in that situation, and I did. not. want to obey.  Not only that, but I didn’t want to want to obey.  It was ugly.  I finished my sorry account with, “And I just don’t want to trust God.”

For a split second, I thought she’d say something like, “Well, until you’re willing to submit and trust God, I can’t really help you.”  I’d heard that tune before.

But she didn’t.

She put both arms around me, pulled me close, and started praying.  I could not have been more miserably undeserving of love at that moment, and I was keenly aware of that.

Her response took me by surprise.  Somehow it didn’t fit in the framework of my understanding of God, my relationship with Him, and how sin was supposed to be dealt with.

For years and years, I’d lived with the idea that when I sinned, God put me in some sort of spiritual time-out.  I had to stay there until I felt good and sorry about what I’d done.  When I was sufficiently sorry (and had been sufficiently good to make up for things), He would let me back into fellowship with Him.

But I was wrong.  Dreadfully wrong.  My framework was off because I was missing the entire foundation: grace.

That day I started to understand. Grace means that God pulls me close when I’m a dirty, sinful mess, lavishing His love on me when I feel like I least deserve it.  Grace doesn’t push me away.  Grace opens arms to welcome me close, to clean and heal and forgive.  Grace is always there, because it depends entirely on Him and not me.

It almost seems too good to be true.  But before we start letting ourselves believe that, let's remember the story of the prodigal son.  Our Heavenly Father doesn't put us in time-outs or wait for us to get ourselves cleaned up.  No, He runs down the dusty road to meet us where we are, embracing us when we still reek of the pig pen.

* * *

I don’t think I’ve experienced a more stunningly clear illustration of God’s grace than I did that day.  Leave it to Him to redeem a mess and make something beautiful out of it.

My way of thinking was shaken to the very core, and I suddenly found myself staring at the road I’d missed for so long, knowing it should have looked more familiar.  Now I’m on a journey - discovering more and more of this amazing grace.

It is the journey of a lifetime.