Dear _____,

Taxi…  I’ve seen the whole gamut - shiny new ones, beat-up ones, and one so old/used I could see the road through the floor.  And just when I thought I’d seen it all, there you were, squeezing past my bus one day, missing your entire windshield.  I don’t suppose you’d be interested in the fact that my uncle has a body shop?  No?  Didn’t think so.

 

Neighbors…  You ask what all that banging around at ten ‘til 10:00 was?  Cockroaches.  Three of them in my bathroom.  They had to die.  (Note to self: This “one-child” policy does not seem to be working in the least.)

 

“Redeemed by Grace” calendar…  It may seem like a trivial thing, but I really enjoy having a pretty calendar.  You’re colorful and feminine and you have things like teacups and potted plants and antiques.  Perfect!  (Thank you, Mom!)

 

H&R Block t-shirt…  Dare I admit that merely seeing you on some random passer-by caused me to freak out a bit?  What’s there to freak out about, you wonder?  Duh.  Taxes.  ARGH!!!!!  (It’s not the paying of taxes but the doing of them that strikes undeniable dread and terror in my heart.)

Iced tea…  I don’t know why, but you’re somehow way cooler from a glass bottle.

 

Kiwi Hayward…  More first reaction was, “Huh?!”  I’ve never seen those two words together, so when I was shopping the other day, I was both confused and surprised.  Then I googled it and found out the ‘Hayward’ is a cultivar of kiwi.  The most common one, according to Wikipedia.  Ya learn something new every day.  (Side note:  Guess which country produce the most kiwis?  It’s not New Zealand, as I might have guessed, but Italy.  Who knew.)

 

Pancakes…  It had been a long time since I’d made you.  I don’t know why I don’t more often, though.  You’re quick, simple, and equally tasty for breakfast or dinner.

 

Horse…  I’m not sure if you were throwing a tantrum or dancing for joy at the dawn of a new day, but I did look a couple times to make sure you were still on your rope.  I don’t know what I would have done if you had been on the loose.

 

Baby pineapples…  You’re cute.  I can’t vouch for your taste, since I haven’t tried one yet, but I might end buying you merely for your fun size.  My own personal pineapple.  Well, I guess it would be a personal pineapple regardless of the size.

 

Guys walking around with a dozen flats of eggs stacked on your shoulders or heads…  Don’t trip!  What a mess that would be…

 

Frozen berry mix…  I’ve never before encountered currants in any form other than dried, so that was an interesting addition.  Oh, and cherries (which were also included) may rhyme with berries, but that doesn’t make them berries.  Just sayin’.

Packaging of afore-mentioned berry mix…  Dutch, English, French, German, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Danish, Finish, Norwegian, Swedish, Russian, Arabic.  Wow.  How’d you learn so many languages?!

 

Barking dog…  I’m not normally frightened by dogs (except for pit bulls), and I’ve never felt the least bit threatened by all the strays roaming around here.  But you…you were straining at your chain and barking ferociously as I walked past, and I’ll admit I was a bit unnerved.