Dear _____,

Taxi that was dripping hot liquid all over the highway…  Oh, dear.  That REALLY does not look good.  You're not going to, like, explode or something, are you?

MaryMarket…  I like you as a supermarket, but I'm less crazy about you as a bakery.  I can do without unidentifiable stuff in my bread, thank you very much!  (Side note: some of my friends have a rather impressive [?] list of stuff they've found in their bread.  Ick.)

May Burger…  So…the only difference between your viande hachee [ground meat] sandwich and steak sandwich is…100 francs (about 20 cents)?  Yeah, I know that's probably not true.  Whether someone was sleeping on the job, or they ran out of steak, or they just decided that Anna and I should have matching sandwiches…  One of those mysteries we'll never solve.

Older guy working outside my host family's house…  Uh, no, I'm not Dutch.  Funny you'd ask, though.  That's the first time anyone has ever picked that one.  Usually it's American...or French (when they ask me that, it's a tip that they don't speak French really well, otherwise they'd know my accent is NOT French!)...or Italian...or Spanish...or English.  Actually, though, if you go back to 1661, a Dutch fellow by the name of Thys arrived in the New World.  Yup.  Greatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreat Grandpa Thys.  So, sure.  I'm Dutch!  (Cheese?  Tulips?  Sounds good to me!)

Watermelon-ginger-limeade…  Mmm!  You're quite refreshing.  A good drink for this time of year.

Ginger and lime juice (for making above drink)…  Ow!  Guess I have a few cuts on my fingers.

Heart…  I do my best to take care of you – eating healthy and exercising and all that stuff – but I realize cockroaches are NOT part of a heart-healthy lifestyle.  You stop for a second almost every time I see one.  I'm so sorry, heart.

Hot season…  Your visit last year was unforgettable.  The good news is I know I can survive you.  The bad news is I know how miserable you will be.

Moth…  ARGH!!!  Okay, I've never been scared of moths.  But when I walked into the bathroom, shut the door, and had a large one fly RIGHT at my face…well, I was quite startled.  Then when I realized what you were, I calmed down.

Dad…  You know your Murphy bed obsession fascination?  I was always a little leery of the idea, and now I'm positive it's dangerous.  Watch Charlie Chaplin's One AM and you'll see why.  (Granted, no alcohol would be involved in your case, but still.  I don't think it's a good idea.)

Simeon (my neighbors' little boy) pausing a soccer game to come over and greet me with both hands…  You make me smile.

Wrestling matches… Not. a. fan!  When a match is over, the whole building erupts into a horrible cacophony of shouting, stomping, and wild cheering.  It really spoils the calm of a Sunday evening, and for that, I cannot forgive you.

Dog barking heartily… Please, it's bad enough your humans are raising such a ruckus (see above).  Don't add your voice to the din!

Guy biking with plant sticking out of backpack…  You realize it looks like you have a plant growing out of your head?  Yeah, not like you'd care.  I just wanted to let you know.

Lady tie-dying…  That was fun to watch.  Do it again, do it again!

White cockroach…  Disgusting!  You're like a ghost cockroach – as if the normal thing wasn't bad enough!

Packs of homemade tortillas…  Oh, the possibilities, the endless delicious possibilities…  (I love Mexican food from here to the moon and back again.)

Beat-up white van with "Mercedes-Benz" painted on the side… HA!  Nice try.



Cheese-flavored crackers…  You tasted like chocolate.  Which I like, yes, but when I'm expecting cheese flavor, not so much.  Moral of the story: you can't trust cheese-flavored crackers from Turkey.

Veggie stand vendor…  The veggies cost 2,500 francs.  I gave you a 5,000 bill.  You hunted around for the change (even asking your stall neighbors), but were unsuccessful.  So you handed my money back and said with a wave, "Oh, you can just pay next time."  In that moment, I felt that, in some small way, I had arrived.  LOL!

Russian-French dictionary among a stack of used books at the market…  What in the world were you doing there?

Little girl…  As I was walking home, I became aware that you had fallen into step with me (which takes some doing, because I walk quite fast!).  You didn't want to have to cross the street alone, did you?  I don't blame you.

Shoulders/upper arms…  You're so white.  I haven't yet decided if that means I should wear tank tops more, to mellow the whiteness a bit, or less, to avoid blinding people.  Well, actually, as the temperatures rise I'll probably care less and less about people's eyesight.  Selfish me.