Of Leaving and Fears

In about three weeks, I'll be leaving West Africa.  There's a lot swirling around in my head right now: plans, decisions, goodbyes...and fears.


What will people think?

Who will I be?

Am I a failure (in God's eyes) or a disappointment (to others)?

What am I going to do next?

Will I just be totally weird to people back home?

Am I going to have a breakdown in the cereal aisle?

Am I going to forget how things "back home" are supposed to be done?

Am I deserting my WA teammates?

In leaving, will I lose some sense of "togetherness" with those who are still in cross-cultural ministry?


Not all of these fears are constant, or big, or even rational.

But they're real.

A friend prayed the other day, "Help Rachel to be able to leave with her head up, satisfied and content with the work You have done."

That's it, I told myself.  That's the answer.

God has been working, He is working, He will keep working.  I might mess up and be weird and feel like failure and a hundred other things, but when fear speaks, I can choose to believe truth - that God is bigger than all my fears, and I can trust Him with abandon.