What to Do (or NOT to Do) When Your Weekend is Too Full

Friday, after work, I sat on my couch and watched the sun disappear behind the school.

It was beautiful, peaceful, and calming.

And yet...

The weekend ahead of me was full.  I hadn't foolishly crammed my days too full; it was all unavoidable stuff that just happened to fall at the same time - none of it bad - but I was admittedly overwhelmed.

Instead of trusting the Lord to give me grace for it all, I stupidly choose to be anxious.

I jumped at every noise, fretted over how tired I was and how much more tired I would be come Monday, and kept thinking about the possibility of my car alarm going off or the smoke detector batteries running low (neither of which happened).

What a ball of nerves I let myself become.

- - -

Saturday morning, Tamara and I went to a ladies' coffee and book exchange at church.

It was enjoyable.  We hung out at her house for a couple hours after that and then I went home.  Time to move on to the next thing.

Except...I started feeling not-so-well.

Then I was definitely not well (to spare you the details).

And just like that, my weekend went from four things down to only one - the one I'd already been at that morning.

I don't like getting sick (who does?), but it almost felt like a kindness from God rather than a punishment.

I had to rest.  I had to be still.  I had to release my plans.

The sickness itself was over almost as quickly as it started (for which I was grateful), but the next two days stretched on in blissful, much needed quiet with the Lord.

Monday I found myself drawn to the window again and again, soaking it in and hoping this snow globe world will never lose its wonder for me.

I am so slow to learn.

Slow to trust.

I know fretting is stupid, and yet...I do it anyway.  Like the children of Israel who saw God at work and yet seemingly forgot His provisions only verses later.  (Listening to Numbers and Deuteronomy is like looking in a mirror.)

But if there is one thing I've begun to realize, it's how often He gives what we truly need (and perhaps are longing for deep down inside) even when we're fretfully clamoring for something else.

- - -

Yesterday we kicked off another semester of our ladies small group.

We chatted, laughed, ate pizza, and celebrated Kayla's birthday.

Next week we pick up where we left off on in our book - Calm My Anxious Heart - before Christmas.

Clearly I need this book.

- - -

- - -

February's read.

It's a Christmas story, but I got it at the ladies' coffee on Saturday, and I love Jan Karon, so I didn't feel like waiting till Christmas rolled 'round again.

Once, a long time ago, someone told me I should write like Jan Karon (highly unhelpful advice...).

I was slighted miffed and decided then that I wouldn't like Jan Karon.

But Esther kept telling me how good her Mitford books were, so I thought maybe I should reconsider my stance (since, after all, Jan Karon had never done anything to me), and I'm so glad I did. :)

- - -

I love the cozy, warm feel my little place has with the evening lights on.

The beauty of ordinary life can be so easily overlooked, can't it?

Cozy lights in neighbors' windows

Tiny new leaves unfurling on house plants

Steam from a hot cup of tea

A new book

Snowflakes twirling through the air

Wind howling outside reminding me that I'm warm inside

A place that feels as homey as can be

Perfectly buttered toast

A candle burning

I want to notice and remember God's gifts, even the most ordinary-looking ones.  Forgetfulness is a slippery slope, one that leads to ungratefulness and anxiety and perhaps even a wandering in the wilderness.

Of Life and Law

Sometimes guest house ministry looks like this: taking window measurements for new curtains.

We're going to switch to white curtains for all the rooms.  It'll bring a freshness and continuity to the space, and I'm excited to show you what it looks like once that project is done.

Happy birthday, Addie!

He's always like, "Hey, let's take a picture!"

And then he smiles like this.

Cracks. me. up.

- - -

When I used to read through the Bible years ago, I'd start out all pumped and excited.  Yay, Genesis!  Yay, Exodus!

And then...Leviticus.

Who gets excited about Leviticus?!  I know it's inspired and it's important and there's a reason all this stuff is in here, but...Leviticus.  Sigh.

Well, I've been listening through the Bible in both Spanish and French since the beginning of the year, and good ol' Leviticus came around again.

Genesis and Exodus are both mainly narrative, which makes for easy listening.  But Leviticus is full of vocabulary that I don't even use in English regularly, so I find it takes much more concentration to follow along in another language.

The other day, as I was mustering up every mental ounce of concentration to keep up and feeling increasingly overwhelmed, I had this thought...

Suppose I actually had to know all this well enough to live my everyday life by it?

The prospect is enormously daunting.

I can't even manage to keep up with my own expectations of good habits and discipline.  If I get to sleep on time and drink plenty of water, I inevitably miss exercising.  If I get up early and have a good quiet time, I don't get to the dishes or forget to take vitamins.  No matter how hard I try, I can never keep all the balls going at once.

Suppose I was expected to keep every minute detail of the Law...perfectly...all the time?

Of course, the Law was never designed to make us righteous by keeping it; it was designed to show us that our own efforts can never reach God's standard of perfection.

And that sense of inability and utter inadequacy is entirely proper in the face of God's standard.

But Jesus.

The One the Law pointed us toward, the One who fulfilled the Law, the One whose perfection means I can be right with God, not because I am good, but because He is completely good.

I'm no longer under the Law, but in Christ.

Oh, this grace.

Tulipa and Tradescantia and Other Stuff

Cozy living room, some of my favorite people, a couch big enough for all of us, a funny bedtime story...

So many things to love.

Tulips are the most delightful flower.

January's read: Praying with Paul, recommended by a coworker.

Prayer is definitely an area I want/need to grow in, so I've been looking forward to this book.

I introduce you to Tradescantia zebrina.  (What a cool name, right?!)  A student gave it to me, and I'd been trying to figure out what it was.  Fortunately, when my own horticultural knowledge runs out, I have a friend whose family owns a greenhouse business...

Due to the massive heat wave of 40°-ish, the snow is melting again.

Today the neighborhood was also blanketed in a layer of fog that made things feel sleepy and cozy.

It also makes me think of a scene from Get Smart and this one random line my sisters and I always liked to say when it got foggy...

"London Palladium?"

It's probably funnier if you've seen the scene. :)

At the little local crêperie for Kayla's birthday.  Oh, they have such good crepes.

And she's a great friend.

It's something worth celebrating when your coworkers are also some of your dearest friends.

Not Afraid

I'm not afraid of what I'll lose
My greatest joy is finding You

That song was running through my head the other morning.  I thought about how true it was, how nothing I might lose or give up or never have could be better than Him, but with that thought was another...

I was afraid.

Here and now, I can see how good He's been and how His plans for me have been so much more wonderful than the life I dreamed up for myself.

But it didn't always look that way.

When He showed me all my legalism and the outward things I was clinging to for my identity, I was afraid.

When He started nudging me back to the States and I left my life's biggest dream of serving Him overseas, I was afraid.

Afraid that what I was losing would be too big a price, that I'd feel empty without all that.

Somehow, the fog has thinned and when I look around me today, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that He is my greatest joy...

Greater than anything else can ever be.

- - -

This evening we kicked off our Spring 2018 semester.

It's freezing and the snow sparkles in the most beautiful way under the lights.

I found mangoes and avocados on sale Sunday.

Classes start tomorrow...for the students, not for me. :)

Farewell to Christmas Break

The students are trickling back in, I'm caught up on work from the break (so many yays!), and classes start next Wednesday.

It's Saturday, so the laundry is going.

Apples are sitting on my counter waiting to be chopped up for applesauce.

This week we had a day up in the 50's, so all the icicles and snow melted.  I was kind of glad, because fresh snow is much prettier than the frozen-melted-refrozen stuff.

Today it's back in the teens and we should be getting some snow again soon.

I went into Christmas break feeling pretty tired and looking forward to recharging for the next semester.  The break (while very good) turned out to be quite full, and I was a little disappointed to come back much less rested than I wanted to be.

However, the past week-and-a-half has been surprisingly restful - productive but not too full, quiet but not dull - and I'm thankful for the way God met that need.

Next week will be the start of my fifth semester here, and I'm excited for God will teach me, my coworkers, and our students through it.

This Week

This week -

2018 started.

My cousin got married.

I sang goofy songs in the back of the car with my sisters.

My flights home were miraculously un-delayed.

There were both good-byes and welcome backs.

There was pizza and Turkish Delight and endless cups of tea.

 

As we were taking off from Vegas (my stop-over airport on the way home), the flight attendant said, "Take a good look out the window, because that's the last sunshine you'll see in a while!"

The funny thing is, although it's been mostly in the single-digits here since I came back, it's been sunny every day. :)

I'm so happy to be back in my little place, with still over a week left before the semester starts.

God has been good.

Things are quiet and calm at school, although there's a normally-would-be-overwhelming pile of work on my desk.  It feels like grace has shown up in just one more way.

Here's to fresh starts, happy little plants, sunny days, and grace upon grace.

Resurrecting the Blog

Hello, 2018!

I was admittedly horrible about blogging last semester.  Blogging was obviously not a high priority last semester.

I'd like to get back into the habit, only without the overthinking and planning that sometimes goes along with posting.

Anyway, Christmas break is almost over and I'll be flying back to the frigid Midwest in a couple days.  This year's break was much fuller and had less down time than last year's.  It's been fun to see friends, family, people at church (where the kids are somehow all inches taller than when I last saw them)...oh, and also the sun.

My little hometown looks about the same as it has for...years.  Mostly.

I haven't lived here for two years.  (Two years?!  Time is a funny thing.)

A few snapshots from the trip -

 

2017.  After nearly all of my adult life being one transition after another, 2017 was a year oddly empty of big, new things to report.  Oh, to be sure, there were some changes, but it seemed like a plateau in comparison to previous years.

It didn't all go perfectly or the way I planned.  I still have a lot to learn.  There are still prayers and questions that don't have answers...and may never.

But God's kindness has continued to shine clearer and clearer, and the past year has been a sweet one with Him.

As I think over 2017 - and some things I may wish I'd done differently - or over 2018 and what I may wish will happen or be accomplished, hope is the word that comes to mind.

All these things or plans may disappoint, may not turn out the way I'd like.  But the Lord will never fail me.

He, Himself, is my hope.  My soul has no surer anchor than the One who made it.