Dear _____,

Apple cider candle from Mom...  After burning you for a couple hours (by necessity - the power was out), it smelled like I just walked into Joann's or Michael's when they have all their Fall stuff out.  Oh, Fall and home, I miss you so much.

Flickering lights outside...  Okay.  I didn't notice you at first, 'cause the candle was flickering inside.  But then I was like, "Wait, what's going on outside?"  Ooo, lightning!  My favorite!  (I didn't guess that's what it was, because there wasn't any thunder or rain at that point.)

Bats...  Whenever I'm out at dusk (which granted isn't normally very often) and see you, I can't help but think of a certain friend.  And I laugh inside.  And then laugh some more.

Gecko that looks like Pinky's twin [it's not the same gecko; I've seen them both at the same time]...  You're a rebellious teenager, aren't you?  I saw you right by the door one night, like you were trying to sneak out.  "Excuse me there, little whippersnapper, but it's way past curfew.  Where do you think you're going?"  You responded by turning and running away from me.  Rebel, you.

Guy on the bus...  It was a really bad idea to step on that metal frame [towards the front of the bus; it's like a low rack for luggage].  It wasn't anchored to the floor, so your weight tipped it up, hitting me right in the knee cap.  I have a really ugly bruise now.  Next time...be more careful, please?

Lady I ran into one day...  So, I had met you once at a baby shower.  I remembered you were a teacher.  "You're a...math teacher?"  "English," you corrected.  And just like that, my feeling went from eek-can-I-run-and-hide-under-the-biggest-rock-around to a relieved yeah-we-could-totally-be-best-friends.  Okay.  Not quite.  But you get my drift.

Tuna can...  In absence of a hammer, you made an acceptable substitute when I needed to re-hang a picture.

Neighbors burning mosquito coils in the stairway...  Cough, cough...I understand that you don't want the mosquitoes...cough, cough...but that stuff is really...cough, cough...awful...cough, cough.

Inner bookworm...  I thought sixteen (yes, sixteen!) books in six days would be enough to keep you satisfied for a while, but I can tell you're trying to wiggle your way out of your enforced hibernation.  Sorry about that.  Can you just wait until Christmas break?

Bus drivers...  I don't know why you like to fly down the street like it's a runway.  You're driving a bus, not flying a plane.  There was that one day when I was riding in the very front (standing with my forehead literally inches away from the windshield) and we were barreling down the street.  A dog started to cross the street.  I visibly winced because I knew there was no earthly way you could brake in time.  Thankfully, the dog ran back to the curb.  Whew.

Heat rash...  There's a very a good reason you're also called "prickly heat".  Ugh!

Taxi driver...  Ya know, it's not my fault that you ended up lost (I told you the Shell gas station, not the Total gas station).  I'm not going to pay double our agreed-on price for you to drive me to the other side of the quartier where you should have gone in the first place!

Feet covered with blisters...  Sorry, you had to pay the price for the dispute with the afore-mentioned taxi driver.  (I got out and walked, since he refused to go any further unless I paid him more.)

Girls that showed up at the language center trying to sell stuff...  No, we're not giving away free lunches today.  No, you didn't see my picture in the paper telling about it.  No, that was not a funny joke.  No, I don't need shampoo or perfume or hand sanitizer.  No, you can't have my necklace.  No, I have no intention whatsoever of going to Paris and taking a picture next to the Eiffel Tower and sending it to you.  Good.bye!!

Neighbors throwing a party on the roof...  Shoot. me. please.  Your music would have been tolerable if it wasn't so loud.  But this...this was beyond annoying.  It was downright painful.

Russian-to-French dictionaries in the market...  I don't know why you struck me as so funny.  I mean, do people here actually learn Russian?  (Maybe they do offer classes, but it just seems so unlikely...)