Dear _____,

Guy selling cassette tapes by the side of the road...  Pardon me, but does anyone actually use those things anymore?  I mean, I guess someone does or you wouldn't be able to sell them, but it just seems, you know, kind of 90s.

Halal bacon cheeseburger...  Thanks.  I can finally cross "eating beef bacon" off my bucket list.  Except that I don't have a bucket list.  And if I did, I highly doubt "eating beef bacon" would be on it.  So...yeah.

Friend at church who said I looked like Queen Elizabeth...  Well, that's about the most unusual compliment I've had lately!  I sure didn't feel royal.  And I'm very sure I don't look royal either.  But thanks!

Bananas sitting on my counter for two weeks...  Get. ripe.  Seriously, get ripe already!  Come on, I'm waiting...

Guy shaving on the sidewalk...  How's that broken piece of glass working for a mirror?

Apartment...  I didn't really think about it until Leah was here, but you offer a lively surround-sound experience.  (Surround smell, for that matter, too.)  Sometimes it's almost impossible to tell where a particular sound is coming from in the building, which can be confusing, amusing, or just plain annoying.

Ruth...  You're such an encourager.  I was randomly pounding on piano keys and you were like, "Oh yeah, I think Mozart probably started like that.  ...Only he was four."  In other words, you're saying I'm about twenty years behind Mozart.  Sigh.

Twenty-something guy with a "I'm retired, this is as dressed-up as I get" t-shirt...  Are you sure you're into this whole retirement phase?  Do you just look really good for your age?  (Or do you just totally not understand the English, and don't care what the shirt says?  Yeah...that's more like it.)

Veggie pizza with eggplant...  That was a first!  But a tasty first.  (What would one expect from a joint called "Yum Yum", though?)

Taxi driver who asked if I was a prof at the university...  Whenever I ask to go "to the university" [I don't actually go to the university, just right across from it], I always assume people are going to think I'm a student there.  But you think I actually looked old enough and - smart enough - to be a professor?  Hm.  I think I like that better.

Cashier at the supermarket...  I totally had no idea where you were going when you asked me if I was married.  No, I'm not.  No, no, not engaged either.  Upon discovering that, you exclaimed, "Alhamdulillah!" ["Praise God!"]  And then proceeded to tell me how the guy who was bagging my groceries is looking for a wife.  Um...no.  Better luck next time?

Electronics store with a big flat-screen in the front window...  I'm not sure you're actually getting more customers that way, but everyone sure likes standing outside and watching the Africa Cup matches.

Dead rat...  I walked by you on my way to church the other week and thought, "That's pretty small for a rat."  Leah walked past you later and thought, "That thing is HUGE!!"  If she only knew what some of your cousins look like...