On Joy

I started this journal two years ago.  More than a few times, I thought how ironic it was to have a journal with "JOY" splashed across the front cover and verses about joy on the pages inside, because honestly, very little of what I wrote had anything to do with joy.

It's not like I went through a two-year slough of despond.  I wasn't exactly depressed, either.  Joy was just...missing.

I looked around at some of my friends who seemed to radiate joy and peace and contentment and all the rest.  But me?  That's not where I was at.  I couldn't fake it (and didn't want to).  How was I supposed to get joy for real?  I mean, it's not just some switch you can just flip on inside.  Was I missing some secret?

Sort of, yes.  (Except it isn't really a secret if you read your Bible.)

Giving thanks.

Telling the Lord "thank You" for the big things, the little things, the hard things...even if I don't feel happy.  (Because happiness = only a feeling.  Joy = a fruit of the Spirit [i.e. evidence of God working in me].)

Looking around me, looking at today, training myself to see His blessings, His gifts - and then thanking Him for them.

And so I started, listing them down in my journal.  Sometimes it was a struggle.  Sometimes there were weeks between entries.  Sometimes it felt hypocritical - to thank God even for those things I really didn't like.

Joy still seemed hazy, out-of-reach.

But...

He kept on giving.

And in spite of myself, I couldn't help but see.  Couldn't help but see His gifts.  Couldn't help but see Him.

Slowly (like, nearly two years), almost imperceptibly, a change was taking place in my heart.

Thankfulness brings joy.  We don't have to feel happy, necessarily, or pretend to like all our circumstances.  We just have to see, to believe that God is only good and that as a good God He gives good gifts...

A thousand and a thousand gifts heaped one on top of the other, all pointing towards the Giver of joy.  And as we receive those gifts with open hands, we open our hearts to His joy.  To Him.