When Heaven is Silent

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. -Matthew 7:7

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I'd always heard that God gave three answers to prayer: yes, no, or not yet.  It fit in well with my tidy life and my tidy theological framework.  I pray; God gives me an answer.  Simple formula.

So I did a lot of praying about a lot of things.  People, situations, things I wanted or didn't want, decisions I was facing, big things, little things...you name it.

This "three answer" idea gave me the subtle illusion of control.  Even if I didn't get the answer I wanted, God was still bound to give me the definitiveness of an answer.

One prayer came up again and again.

There was no "yes".

There was no "no".

There wasn't even a "not yet".

Just deafening silence.  Weeks melted into months, months strung along into years, and soon the better part of a decade was gone.

I knew He could hear me.  I knew He hadn't abandoned me.  He was working in my life and He wasn't silent in response to other prayers.  Just this one.

Scripture told me to be persistent, so I kept on asking, kept on seeking, kept on knocking.

Though I stormed the gates with my prayers, Heaven was silent.  No answer.  No direction.

Was there something missing?
Was something wrong?
What was I supposed to do?

The realization began to dawn on me: I might find myself praying about this for another decade and still be no closer to resolution than I was thus far.  The Sovereign God did not owe me anything - not even an answer to prayer.

But one thing I was convinced of: He was immeasurably good.

In the silence, darkness, and uncertainty, He was there.  And I began to learn that He is enough.  He, Himself - without the answers, without His gifts - is enough.

How did it all end?

It hasn't really ended - not completely.  But He is true to His promise.  I sought and I did find.  Not an answer, as I was expecting, but something far better -

A sweet, dear friendship with Him, worth more than all the answered prayers or clear direction in the world.

So I keep on asking, seeking, knocking.  Even when He's silent.