When There's a Judas at Your Table

Judas.

He followed Jesus, walking with the eleven for three years.  He sat at the table and shared the last hours of Jesus' life.

Jesus' words rose above the dinner conversation:  One of you will betray Me.  One sitting in this close circle, dipping his bread in the dish with Me.

The disciples began to look around the room and question, "It is me?  Is it me?"

When Judas asked, Jesus said point-blank, "Yes, you're the one."  Whether the eleven didn't hear or just didn't process that information, I don't know.  Jesus adds, "What you're going to do, do quickly," and the rest thought He was talking about the group's treasury.  They just didn't seem able to believe that one of them could really betray Jesus.

Imagine the shock and confusion they must have felt, when hours later, Judas appeared in the garden - on the side of the priests and the Roman army.

They thought they knew Judas.  They thought he was one of them.

And yet...he wasn't.

How crushing.

- - -

When there's a Judas at your table, you don't always see it until it's too late, until you're standing face-to-face instead of side-by-side.

What do you do with the shock and the heartbreak?

You could, perhaps, look at Jesus...

Jesus knew all along that Judas would betray Him.  He wasn't surprised or taken back.  Yet He still gave Judas the opportunity of being in His inner circle for three years - for seeing the miracles, hearing the teaching, and participating in the ministry.  Even at the Last Supper, hours before Judas' appalling betrayal, Jesus bent down in front of him and washed his feet, just like He washed the others'.  In the garden, Jesus saw Judas approaching and gave him the chance to realize the import of what he was doing.  It was a chance to repent, if Judas had wanted to take it.  He didn't, and Jesus knew He wouldn't, but He still reached out to Judas.

Such grace.  Such unbelievable, unflinching, scandalous grace.

- - -

I don't have a neat three-step formula for handling Judases.  I don't have all the answers.  But I can find comfort in the fact that God knows it all and still loves, that His heart breaks over the Judases of time far more than mine could.  I can hide in Jesus' grace and trust Him to be grace for me and through me when I can't be.

Dear _____,

Person selling "inflammable mattresses"...  Was that supposed to be inflatable mattresses?

Theo...  You're babbling all the time (with some intelligible words), and one of your latest things is slobbery kisses.  You're growing so fast!  Still, I won't be entirely satisfied until you start walking.  And you have just a little over a month.  Please, please, please!

Bucket showers...  How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways...  Hold on.  I'm going to have to think about this.  Wait, I'm still thinking.  ...Yeah, not coming up with anything.

Germain...  You totally cracked me up that night your were singing "God is so good."  For the last line, instead of singing "He's so good to me", you substituted names.  You were on quite a roll.  Papa, Mama, baby Theo, Auntie Rachel, Marie, Petit...then some family friends...then the wrestlers you'd seen on TV the week before.

Motorist wearing clothes that blended into the dark...  I saw just your moto lights and your helmet.  That was rather creepy.

Rivka Malka...  Your scarf-tying videos are ah-ma-zing.  I love them.  I love your styles and color combinations.  Thanks for the inspiration!

Right hand/Left hand...  Right, you've become my new (though not completely graceful) normal.  Left, I'm almost afraid of you sometimes.  Like, Oh no, I touched _____ with my left hand.  Sometimes it's not even a utensil.  Sometimes it's a pen.  While I'm writing.  Which I'm pretty sure is NOT an issue.

TV5.com...  You were so full of possibilities for Phase 5.  Documentaries, news programs, travel and cooking shows, and so much more!

Time sheets...  Although I said au 'voir to you last month, I still sometimes feel lost without you.

Firefox t-shirt wearing guy...  I feel judged.  (Yes, I use MSIE.)

Guys working on construction in the dark...  Now I know why the buildings here look the way they do sometimes.  Also...midnight is really too late to be banging and pounding away like it's going out of style.

Mediterranean...  You remind me of California, which makes me happy and homesick all at once.

Spanish worship music...  Sometimes I just can't help but fall under the charm of my first love, Spanish, so I listen to you instead of trying to find French songs.

Paper chain from old calendar pages...  I made you last month to count down the remaining hours of French classes.  I briefly thought of making another to count down the days to my return to the US, but I realized I had (have, actually) too many mixed emotions about that.

Blood-thirsty mosquito...  Could you at least have the decency to not bite the bottom of my foot?!!

Certain brand of green tea...  You may be bitter - too bitter to drink, no matter how diluted - but you sure do make a good skin toner.

Enchilada sauce...  I used my last can of you a couple weeks ago.  So it's goodbye, but not for long!

Moving guys...  You tried to hoist a couch up to the balcony just below me, and you lost your grip.  The couch tumbled and broke some tiles on the roof over the boutique.  I only hope no one was standing in there at that point.

Angèle...  Threatening to go on a hunger strike so I'll stay?  That's cute.  It makes me feel loved and wanted.  But...don't actually follow through.  That wouldn't be good.  (Also, while I do like feeling wanted, the flip side is that it makes me feel guilty for leaving.)

West Africa...  I'm going to miss you.  Don't worry, you'll get your own post.

Taking It All In: My First First Communion(ish)

Not last Sunday but the Sunday before, twenty-four robbers came knockin' at my door...

 

Just kidding.  Angèle's nephew Papi had his First Communion.

 

We didn't go to the actual mass, but we were there for the party afterwards.  Angèle and I, along with Julien's sister and a few of Angèle's aunts, helped serve.  We got matching pink dresses made for the occasion (matching outfits are a big thing here).

 

 

For the first couple hours, I just watched this little guy while his mommy was helping in the kitchen.  When his daddy finally got there, I passed him off and went to help where I could.

 

Since I was busy, I didn't get the chance to take a ton of pictures of the action, but I snapped ones when I could, mostly before the guests started to arrive.

 

The place was gorgeous.  It was liking stepping into another world...like...a paradise of sorts.

 

All those vines and flowers, they just made my heart so very happy.

 

Marie-Louise, Julien's sister, is on the right.

 

The guests of honor sat at extra-decorated tables like these.

 

This little girl became my friend and chatted my ear off while I was watching Theo.

 

Oh, her face cracks me up.

 

Aunt Prisca putting plates of appetizers together.

 

The table where Papi and the parents sat.

 

The food was exquisitely prepared and arranged.

 

 

 

Little Henrietta.  She's such a cutie.

 

 

Marie, Angèle and I served tea and coffee after the meal.

 

And we had dancing.  Of course.

 

That's Papi's dad...the one with the bottle.

Papi himself...sadly, the only picture I have of him.  And his back is turned to the camera.

We all left completely exhausted.  I suppose it's one of those things that, while not without its challenges, I'll look back on with rose-colored glasses one day.

Family memories.

Taking It All In: Girls' Night

Once upon a Friday night, us gals (young and old) had a get-together at the Mission.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We ordered pizza.

 

We talked.

 

We rummaged through Jenn's garage sale stuff.

 

We watched a movie.

 

We ate cookies and brownies and gummy bears.

 

We played a game.

 

Seven of us spent the night at the Guest House.

 

 

The next morning we had breakfast

 

 

 

Just hangin' out with my friend Roxy (Shawn and Jenn's dog).

 

 

 

No, you can't come inside.  Silly Roxy-girl.

 

 

After breakfast we went to the living room for a "say-goodbye-to-Rachel" thing.  They prayed for me, shared some memories and encouragement, and gave me the traditional leaving-West-Africa-gift (a wall-hanging). 

 

It totally was not supposed to be a goodbye breakfast for me, but I had double-booked myself the night they had planned to have a goodbye party for Shawn, Jenn, and I (we're all leaving this summer), and I guess they didn't want me to be left out.

 

 

 

 

 

Friendship...

 

Crazy.  Sometimes messy.  But priceless and beautiful.

Taking It All In: The I'm-Done-with-French-Classes Party

I finished classes the last Thursday of April.  The next day, I (with the help of Benedicte) cooked up a Mexican meal and a pan of brownies, then spent the evening talking and laughing with friends.

 

It was wonderful.

 

(Except for the first few pictures, Benedicte was my official photographer for the evening.  Merci beaucoup, Benedicte!)

 

 

The menu: homemade tortillas, salsa, rice, cheese, beans and meat in enchilada sauce, brownies, and Angèle's delicious juices.

 

(Auntie Tina - I had been saving my last can of enchilada sauce for a special occasion, and this was it.  Thanks again for bringing those over!  I enjoyed every one of them.)

 

Michi was telling the story of the charades game her young people's group played that day.  She had us nearly in stitches.

 

Hailah amused herself by "hiding" behind the patio door.  Sorry, girlie, we can still see you.

See that smile on my face?  I was one happy girl.  To have finally finished the program, and to have great friends around to help me celebrate...

It was a good day.