Now an angel of the Lord spoke to Philip, saying, "Arise and go toward the south along the road which goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza." This is desert. So he arose and went. And...a man of Ethiopia...who had come to Jerusalem to worship, was returning... Then the Spirit said to Philip, "Go near and overtake this chariot." So Philip ran to him... preached Jesus to him... baptized him... Now when they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord caught Philip away... Philip was found at Azotus. And passing through, he preached in all the cities till he came to Caesarea. - from Acts 8
I loved this story as a young teen. The angel, the "arise and go" call, Philip preaching, the Ethiopian guy saved - it was just such a good missionary passage. One friend and I even took arise and go as our own motto of sorts.
But...do you notice something really curious about this story?
What did the angel actually tell Philip? Arise and go toward the south along the road with goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza. That's all. Not Go to Gaza. Just Take that road that goes down to Gaza.
That's all. God doesn't explain to Philip what he's supposed to be doing along this road, how long he's supposed to be on it, or why.
Philip goes down the Gaza Road. Not until the Ethiopian appears ahead, in a cloud of dust, God gives him a bit more direction: Go catch that chariot, Philip. There's your man.
You know the rest of the story.
I've come to believe that, in much the same way, "the call" God gave me to Africa was much more a journey than a destination. That Africa was a road (if I can call it that) I was supposed to be on for a specific purpose - one the God didn't necessarily show me beforehand. I don't necessarily fully understand that purpose yet, but I have learned a lot. As for what I've learned from my time here, well, that will be another post. But before I close this Road to Gaza story, I'd like to share just one other part of the journey - what's been happening since I came to the decision to return to the US.
Like I said last time, it's been a roller coaster of sorts. I'm, of course, super-excited to see family and friends back home again. Yet I'm also dreading saying good-bye to friends here. I'm looking forward to what God has in mind for the future, but I'm also scared because it's so unknown. I like to plan, you know. This walking-by-faith thing is unnerving to me.
Initially, much of my energy (both mental and emotional) was focused on talking to various people in leadership about the decision to go back. There were a lot of questions to talk through: When will I go back? Will I finish French? What will that look like - will I still have to pass the evaluation at "capable high" or just finish the program hours? What will the rest of E2 look like? Etc., etc.
One by one those necessary conversations were taken care of. I also talked to supporters, told my host family (probably one of the most difficult things in this whole process), wrote a newsletter, bought tickets, had a French evaluation, and logged the last of the 1500 hours of the GPA program.
Now...I have less than two months left in West Africa. As you can imagine, there's a lot on my heart and my mind. While I'm not (yet) a complete basket case, I can definitely feel the physical effects of the stress. Some days I wonder how much more I can handle.
But in the midst of what could be very overwhelming, God has continued to show me that He is here, He is leading, and He is good. He has used friends to speak words of truth and encouragement. He has reminded me, through His Word, of His absolute faithfulness since the beginning of time. He has answered prayers, allowed details to fall into place, and given me what I needed to move forward each day.
As for the future - well, I don't really know what the next step will be. There are a lot of decisions I didn't anticipate having to think through, because I kind of expected that I'd be serving in West Africa for the next who-knows-how-many-years. Anyway, I've been praying for specific direction for several months now, and I'm planning to look into some options with NTM USA more in depth soon. If the Lord doesn't direct towards something there, then I'll likely be looking for a "normal" job in CA. (At any rate, no matter where I end up long-term, I'd like to spend some time in CA first, reconnecting with my family and home church.)
I didn't plan for things to happen this way. To leave after not-quite-two-years-on-the-field. To be yet another statistic of a missionary who couldn't make it past their first term.
And here I am.
But...
God has a purpose for every Gaza Road experience, and I rest in that. Even though it's hard and scary and crazy.
He knows the Road and what lies beyond.
No comments:
Post a Comment