I'd long said that the day I found a cockroach in my bed, I would throw in the towel for good. Of course, it would have to happen on the kind of day where everything was already going wrong.
By the time I got home, it was late and I was more than ready to call it a day. I pulled back the sheets to climb into bed, and there, next to my pillow...was a cockroach. That's it! I declared, sitting down on the floor. I'm done with this place. I'm so done with this place.
I didn't want to get in bed, didn't want to turn out the light, didn't want to close my eyes. But more than just physically and emotionally exhausted (and I'll admit it, borderline irrational), I felt spiritually vulnerable. Incredibly so. I'd heard other missionaries talk about this - a greater sense of spiritual darkness than what we are often used to in the West.
It's not like I thought the cockroach in my bed was some sort of evil spirit; it was nothing more than a cockroach. Vile and disgusting, granted, but only a cockroach. Satan, however, was taking advantage of my already discouraged state and tempting me further down his dark path.
I felt almost helpless against it. So I did the only thing I could think of: I went to get my Bible. I sprawled out on my stomach and flipped through pages until I found underlined favorites. I read them slowly, drinking in the comfort they offered.
The Lord of hosts is with us, the God of Jacob is our refuge. - Psalm 46:7
But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is their strength in the time of trouble. And the Lord shall help them and deliver them; He shall deliver them from the wicked and save them, because they trust in Him. - Psalm 37:39-40
I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. - Psalm 4:8
So I laid my head down, knowing that my Heavenly Father was right there with me, knowing His grace would allow me to sleep that night.
His grace is always a refuge, a resting place.
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