Friday, after work, I sat on my couch and watched the sun disappear behind the school.
It was beautiful, peaceful, and calming.
And yet...
The weekend ahead of me was full. I hadn't foolishly crammed my days too full; it was all unavoidable stuff that just happened to fall at the same time - none of it bad - but I was admittedly overwhelmed.
Instead of trusting the Lord to give me grace for it all, I stupidly choose to be anxious.
I jumped at every noise, fretted over how tired I was and how much more tired I would be come Monday, and kept thinking about the possibility of my car alarm going off or the smoke detector batteries running low (neither of which happened).
What a ball of nerves I let myself become.
- - -
Saturday morning, Tamara and I went to a ladies' coffee and book exchange at church.
It was enjoyable. We hung out at her house for a couple hours after that and then I went home. Time to move on to the next thing.
Except...I started feeling not-so-well.
Then I was definitely not well (to spare you the details).
And just like that, my weekend went from four things down to only one - the one I'd already been at that morning.
I don't like getting sick (who does?), but it almost felt like a kindness from God rather than a punishment.
I had to rest. I had to be still. I had to release my plans.
The sickness itself was over almost as quickly as it started (for which I was grateful), but the next two days stretched on in blissful, much needed quiet with the Lord.
Monday I found myself drawn to the window again and again, soaking it in and hoping this snow globe world will never lose its wonder for me.
I am so slow to learn.
Slow to trust.
I know fretting is stupid, and yet...I do it anyway. Like the children of Israel who saw God at work and yet seemingly forgot His provisions only verses later. (Listening to Numbers and Deuteronomy is like looking in a mirror.)
But if there is one thing I've begun to realize, it's how often He gives what we truly need (and perhaps are longing for deep down inside) even when we're fretfully clamoring for something else.
- - -
Yesterday we kicked off another semester of our ladies small group.
We chatted, laughed, ate pizza, and celebrated Kayla's birthday.
Next week we pick up where we left off on in our book - Calm My Anxious Heart - before Christmas.
Clearly I need this book.
- - -
- - -
February's read.
It's a Christmas story, but I got it at the ladies' coffee on Saturday, and I love Jan Karon, so I didn't feel like waiting till Christmas rolled 'round again.
Once, a long time ago, someone told me I should write like Jan Karon (highly unhelpful advice...).
I was slighted miffed and decided then that I wouldn't like Jan Karon.
But Esther kept telling me how good her Mitford books were, so I thought maybe I should reconsider my stance (since, after all, Jan Karon had never done anything to me), and I'm so glad I did. :)
- - -
I love the cozy, warm feel my little place has with the evening lights on.
The beauty of ordinary life can be so easily overlooked, can't it?
Cozy lights in neighbors' windows
Tiny new leaves unfurling on house plants
Steam from a hot cup of tea
A new book
Snowflakes twirling through the air
Wind howling outside reminding me that I'm warm inside
A place that feels as homey as can be
Perfectly buttered toast
A candle burning
I want to notice and remember God's gifts, even the most ordinary-looking ones. Forgetfulness is a slippery slope, one that leads to ungratefulness and anxiety and perhaps even a wandering in the wilderness.
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