Celebration: {Day 10} Found

It was probably one of the roughest weeks I experienced since coming.

Sunday evening I started coming down with something.  I felt tired and slightly feverish, so I went to bed early.  I barely slept, though, in part because of the fever, in part because the mattress was the lumpiest, most uneven thing I'd ever slept on in my life.

Monday came.  I tried to get up and get ready for class, but I quickly realized there would be no class for me that day.  Or the next.

I was in bed for two days, barely able to stand up long enough to walk to the bathroom.  I started to get my strength back a bit by the middle of the week, but I still didn't feel like myself.  Then our water crisis started (some parts of the city were without any water for a month or so).

When you go a week with barely any sleep or any food, and then add oppressive heat, and then take away the water supply...let me tell you, it's not a very pleasant experience.

People back home talked blithely of gardens and haircuts and pumpkin spice lattes, which did little to improve my mood.  (Not that I blame my attitude on anyone but myself).

By that point I'd had all I felt like I could take.  It was honestly one of the few times I can remember ever being plain upset with God.  I just couldn't pretend with Him.  I hated that I was here, and since He was the one who brought me here, He was the one I directed most of my resentment at.

My Bible sat untouched for days.  Prayer felt hypocritical.

One evening that week, my friend sent me a new song called Your Grace Finds Me.  Without opening the link, I hastily tossed my phone aside and turned my face into the pillow.  But I don't want to be found!  I just want to curl up in a corner and be left alone, I fumed.

Even though I thought I wanted to be left alone, God wouldn't leave me to myself.

He was gentle.  Persistent.  Unwavering.

The following Sunday I was back in church, my friend Susie sitting next to me and translating.  I remember only one part of the entire service.

When we read Romans 8:38-39.

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Nothing can separate me from His love.  Nothing, nothing, nothing!  Not even I, myself.  I latched onto that truth like a drowning person grabs a life raft.

And today I celebrate His beautiful, overwhelming, relentless grace - grace that finds me, even if I try to hide.